Post "contemplations"

Hm.... this is going to be a long one.
Firstly, I need to announce: I am planning on pursuing honors in psychology! That is it! Decided! A done deal - no more doubts! I met my HOD along with Sid and he told us about the six papers and two electives- we have consumer psychology, media and psychology, sports psychology, abnormal psychology (duh!), forensic psychology(drool), industrial psychology, social psychology and yup, a RESEARCH PAPER( totally rad!). Now I am all excited and looking forward to it! And the cherry on the cake?? OUR CLASSES ARE IN THE NEW BLOCK! :P ha ha Alors, ici est ma grande plan : I do honors in psychology, MS in clinical (from Christ University), work with Tani (approx 2 yrs), write GRE and TOEFL and Voilà - get into Harvard. Okay, laugh all you want, and if it helps-you can imagine am sloshed :O IMAGINE!

I am really tired today- long, lazy day I've had. Y-aw-n. I also met my friend's crush or as she claims "love"(no mockery intended). I kind of told her that he sucks and after that, I can just hope that she is not hurt... I mean, all this time, all that I have ever done is lie- in one way or another- to my friends. I always try NOT to comment negatively - hey! i don't want to hurt 'em or worse, confront them. I have always tried to be "optimistic" or so I would like to believe. But today, I wanted to change that. So what if I hurt her, at least I will tell the truth - I could never picture them together. And when she asked me why i felt so, i could not explain. I can never explain! I just KNEW it, the same way I knew 'he' and I were not meant for a-'forever'. So, I did not see the point in lying to her, even if it was going to keep her happy temporarily. I can be "optimistic" and be her best buddy by doing it, but I will not stoop that low! I don't want her to build fantasies that someday, somewhere, in some cosmically perfect moment, they will become man and wife ( or to make it less dramatic- a couple). Nobody is polite to me when they say things for my betterment. And I honestly believed that I was helping her...
Why do I think so much?!

It is quite surprising that I have not written a word about the bitch or her slut of a mother. I know that is a vile thing to say but believe me, you would have said worse! Its just that, I don't know how anyone can be so manipulative, in this case, both the mother and her daughter. My whole class hates her (well, almost) and all I wanted to do was to help her. She made a fool out of me!! Crazy woman!
Sigh!
(call for dinner)


Oh fuck! Rambo started barking! OW! My ears!

'night!

Ash




P.S. Ahem, I remember the day you offered to buy me a gift (to repay for my kindness or maybe, to keep your balls in place)... OK two more months for my Birthday-if you remember, and I was hoping (also, looking-forward-to) ah, receiving one from you (now that you have a job and the money isn't your father's)! :P

In case you have, um, similar intentions, I just wanted to give you a little hint- I hate chocolates, clothes(what were you thinking?! I am not under privileged!), no "dinner together"please! To cut a long story short, I would just love a book! No, please, not MILLS and BOONS- I've heard porn is better!! ;)

contemplative

I am seriously trying to understand my reason for writing this piece… I am feeling so down in the dumps. Sigh! Is this catharsis? I have my doubts about that. For all I know, maybe I think someone will read my blog and take pity on me! Anyway, I really don’t care!

Well, I know my dreams, but are they my “DREAMS”?? You must be wondering what am I saying here, it’s just one of those-what-is-my-purpose-in-life-thing. I always thought I wanted to be a psychologist, but now I do not feel a burning passion for it! On the other hand, I feel that way about American literature! I don’t know if my Literature professor has something to do with that! : P Okay, jokes apart, I am also not getting good support from my friends and family (for the first time). They try to convince me that Indian education is better. But my argument is not that, all I want is a chance. A chance to be what I want to be, what I need to be- in all entirety! :O I know many people won’t get my point, none the less I must try.

I look at America as my land, not India. In life, I just grew up too fast. And back then I read a lot of books- American books and since then I think American… No, let’s not get into patriotism issues. That’s another hell-hole.

So, this, here is my chance to visit that land, philosophy, culture that kept (keeps) me sane. People around me just don’t get it- there are two things I dream about- not money, fame, success, good health, et cetera. One, I dream of starting a home, a life, in America, the other is not-so-important (for now).

Gulp. I am both, spoilt of choices and contemplating my stance.

I must sign off now.