Another journel entry

Its a funny thing this life, just like my fountain pen. My pen promises to write better while life promises to get better. Of course, both are lying. And the funnier thing is we humans LOVE the lie- why else do you  think we created God? Personally, I love my pen, my life and their lies. It gives hope. Nah, not of better days, a happier life. But hope to... stay put. It lets you believe that there is a point in living a life. So sorry if I've broken your happy bubble. And no, 'am not a cynic. Its just that 'am turning into an adult.

I finished my exams, got a fellowship, India won its second cricket World cup, Muttu is planning to move out of Bangalore, 'am moving away from my friends and my family and 'am still asking- "So what?? What's the point?"

CHANGE. Such a strange, strange word. Some ask for it whilst others resist it like the plague, some just 'deal' with it, some others 'embrace' it but the majority remain confused and when they run out of time to take a decision, they panic. They grab the first thing that comes their way and BAM! There begins a hell of  a life.

I just realized- I like this blue. Blue ink.

Dated: 3/3/11
Ash

There are only two types of people in the world-those who read and those who don't

I can't help but think how safe I feel here;'here' being the library in my college. It's just me,the book, a comfortable chair and my bearings spread out on the table. Cozy. No conversation needed. No crowd ( we are speaking of 18-20 year old students, remember?). The building is well ventilated with windows everywhere. I couldn't have asked for a better day to read- the sunlight seducing my senses while the fan has a lulling effect. Sigh! I know I'll miss days like these- being with myself, reading a good book while occasionally lifting my head to look around the floor.

Dated: 15/1/11
Ash

Emptying closets

Its spring/summer(they aren't different seasons for south Indians, they're more like twins or siblings or something) here in Bangalore. So, we have summer vacations and at home, I'm having our annual spring cleaning ritual. This time, its special for me, for two different reasons- both concern themselves with "emptying closets".

This is, in all likelihood, my last year in Bangalore- I'm moving out for professional growth and educational opportunities(will write about it soon). So, each of the things I clean- from my spice rack in the kitchen to  my book collection in the library- I know that 'am secretly saying good-bye. Before I dust off a book, for example, there is this need to hold it tenderly and remember the time I first held it- yes, I know where,when,how,why I bought each of those books. similarly for the spices- I clearly remember where I bought them and for which dish. For example- I bought those Vanilla sticks from Kerala, from a private farm. I guess, I want to keep afresh the memories I have of those species, the books, the furniture, a rag doll, few crumpled movies tickets, my obsessive collection of stationery - esp papers and notebooks!! But funnily, when it comes to people- I'm slowly tearing away some memories. I guess... I don't want that baggage anymore. Yes, 'am doing it silently. So far hit- one man and two women down :)So yes, I'm emptying closets.

While cleaning the attic I made a wonderful discovery- love letters!! Ha ha Now listen-its kinda cute. Before my mum and dad got married, they were apart for a year after their engagement. Yes, those letters were a product of that one year of staying apart. Now, obviously 'am not revealing the contents. But what I will let you know is what those letters did to me. They gave me happiness and peace of mind. It wasn't relief - it was... happiness... It was honestly, a side of my father I had never seen. I will stop this post here-yes, its abrupt but I can't go on... 'am so choked with emotions... Life IS b-e-u-t-ful!!!

This season, may love enter your homes and your hearts.

Love,
Ash

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