Big plans

29/03/09, Sunday, Exactly 12.26 A.M.: O


Hmmm, another day finished, struck off life...:) Do I sound pessimistic? My apologies!
I finally finished the dreaded journalism exam and am done with it for this year! Thank heavens! Actually, now thinking about it, the paper was like my 9th grade civics! Hehe

Moving on with…The summer!!! It seems exciting with so many plans for travel- Mangalore (finally!!), Kerala (sleepovers and summer soirées…Here I come!!!) and Chennai (drool: P). There are also, waiting in line, 5 makeovers!! Woohoo!!! We are gonna pardy! We are gonna pardy!! Tata tata taTA! Hehe I know! When was the last time I was this excited?! Then, there’s Ram’s Birthday!!!! My baby juju lulu turns ONE and in doggie land he gets to be called an ADULT! :O Way to go sweetheart! : P

* Ideas for Ram’s birthday gifts:
1. Can mating be called a gift? :O
2. A kiddy pool for him to splash around in! ;)
3. A new leash which does not choke him to death… (Hey! Am being honest here!)
4. Date with Jenny?? *wink*
5. Get all his doggy pals…What say? (Perking of ears…taken as a yes.)
6. A life-time supply of bones!!! Weeihee ;)
7. Okay… fine! I will take him for a LONG walk and make sure he passes Jenny’s house! Sigh! Boys! When will they grow up?!
8. I shall not scare him.
9. Thou shall be allowed to bite me :| Sadist! (Ram was listening, so figured I would tell him directly)
10. Last option- Throw a surprise pardy! Guess it isn’t a surprise anymore… And yeah; of course I will let you jump on the guests… ha-ha just for the kicks! ;)

After all of this is my GRE text! God, am I excited to open a textbook? Dork! :O
I intend to finish my research paper… Thought I will write something about the colonial powers influencing culture… sounds interesting! Plan to visit The Christ University library regularly (and finish all the beginners’ series). Catch up with muttu and walk with her! Rangashankara!!! Love the place!
Why are my sentences getting shorter?? EW! My writing should never reflect high levels of sleep deprivation! Hehe
Yawn…
‘Night, Sweet dreams…

Love,
Ash

P.S. 1. I am sorry. I offer no explanations. Forgiveness is now, merely a word and not my choice…I hold nothing against you. You are a good person. Things cannot be the same again and I request you to get on and get going in life. I am pretty sure it won’t make any difference to you… Call me names, curse me, do what you want. But this is how things remain. I am sorry as I know it’s unfair. But nothing you did was fair either… This is NOT my revenge…By cutting off, am only trying to survive and fighting for survival is a noble cause too…
All the best! I know you will work wonders!
2. Oh! And am also learning to drive the 4-wheeler! Yippee I will get my license.:)
3. Should I get extra piercing done?? :O

26/3/09, Thursday


Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows, only time…
And who can say if your love grows, as your heart chose, only time…
Tra la la la
Tra la la la
Who can say why your heart sighs, as your love flies, only time…
And who can say why your heart cries, when your loves lies, only time…
Tra la la la
Tra la la la
Who can say when the roads meet, that love might be… hmmmm
La la hmmmm…

I cut off from my thoughts right there…Ha ha! Danger zone ;)

I did open my black diary and read the conversations I had with him, they weren’t particularly painful, even less, nostalgic. But it did make me think as to what went wrong, I mean, not that I was in love with him but I did genuinely like him- a lot! Yeah…and it was not love! More like a deep friendship, maybe. :) It surprises me how I speak in the past tense, because I, even now do not know whether it’s “The End” or whether it’s like a “Break”… No clue… Infact I am the one who altogether stopped speaking to him but it really isn’t my fault, I don’t like to pretend like I care, I cannot pretend that I am not mad, I do not want to pretend that what we had was nothing, I cannot pretend like I still trust him! Suddenly, all the mistakes he made, (is making) started getting onto my nerves!!! The amount he lied… repulsed me! Sigh! I wanted to make a refined man out of him and it was not charity…It mattered!
Whoa! Hold it right there! Jesus! I promised myself I will not start analyzing lost things again! They are, just…well…past and done with! And this is just one of the many promises I seem to be breaking these days…
I know and am completely aware that I did not collect my voter-id form, I have not called muttu, I even forgot that I had to meet her(I feel worse than a worm right now because of it ), I did not shop for some major ESSENTIALS for my survival(oh pha-lease!), my grades(can we steer clear? :P)!!! Fought with Rambo-brutal and am constantly looking at my mobile, as if, an apologetic message from him will pop right up! Hahaha THAT is, really, heights of expectation: P because…
a) He will not bother to message me –ever! :(
b) Even if he miraculously did, he would not apologize! No way! Not him!:|
c) If, somehow, ‘a’ and ‘b’ happened… he would never be sure as to WHY he is apologizing when, am the one who is the “SNOB”…

The last point is such a piss-off!! : X
Okie, but then…. Crap! Screw it! It is already half past seven! Sigh! And tomorrow is journalism exam… Ever told you how wonderful my life is?? : P

Seeya, pal!

Love,
Ash.

*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLhZ6mtrMzc
-This is the link for the song i referred to- "only time" by Enya.
-Doodle drawn by Ankita Salian. Thank You.