Have you ever been so happy that you are now sick of it?? So used to giving love and expecting nothing in return(which was okay before)that it tires and ties you down?! You want to read a book but are not able to complete it because your schedules are so hectic?? (it irks me!) You love food but because of some unknown reason you stick to bread and eggs??
I think what am trying to say is that when your body and mind are exhausted, the things you loved doing become just another chore, be it eating,loving someone, smiling, etcetera.
Summer is a season i completely relish in - it is beauty for the eyes and for my mind(memories linked to summer).
I am so tired now -of fighting against little things like prejudices,falsehoods,oppression, hypocrisies, to name just a few. These were my little battles, not for myself but to whom so ever it was a problem! Somehow i was born well-off, but the story is so different for many others in India, particularly Karnataka (the place i deal with). Sometimes i feel like running away from my country, my past! Its so stupid- its culture, its people, its policies are so oppressive! Feel as if nothing is good enough here! I mean, can you believe it, our minister of state said "pub culture is not our culture" and imposes a ban on night life?! What a barbarian!! Totally crazy! And now valentines day! Seriously are we nuts?! And being a women is difficult and challenging in this country(not concerned about other nations) because we are SUPPOSED to assume a few roles but I don't connect to those roles!! So where do "I" stand?
This was never a problem before, somehow i had the will to fight but suddenly i feel pessimistic... The word FEMINISM scares Indian men so much! Why?? (evil smirk)
This is just one of the issues that tire me. There's academics! Have my exams coming up and its slightly pressurizing me. I want to get into Harvard or Princeton or maybe Yale for Psychology and for that my grades and GPA should be "up there!" :) Also, i joined a diploma course in GENDER and CULTURE now i hear we are expected to write a research paper for that! ha ha so am literally drunk on work! Again this could be good 'cause with my love life gone wall hay-wire i think it would be good "distraction" :P he he
Now that i have mentioned my love life, I might as well tell you the whole story!See, the thing is, the first few weeks after i met him i told some of my close friends about it. That would include my classmate, two other girls my age and my idol , among other people. Now, all of the people who knew this had one thing to say,"Him?? You can do better than that! Can't you pick someone better?? seriously Ash! Him?? You're a whole league above him! He's so kiddish he might pee when he sees how intense you are!" and this somehow did not go well with me! He wasn't this bad! I knew that! but when so many people see the same thing, you start to wonder if they are right... But i had to prove myself that i was right! All I wanted was to help him to help himself...
Now, the story has changed... I realized that what they said is true and I knew that all along... but i DO like him! He gave me vibes that show he cares two hoots for me! that has left me a little perplexed i must say. I asked him not to kill the butterflies, but he did that to attain all the joy in the world!
But out of all these the thing that annoys me the most is the fact the i have'nt been spending time with RAMBO, my 9month lab! awwww... my love! my baby jambo :P hmmm... the thought of him makes me feel serene...
ASH
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